As a contract editor, I can't blame Barb for making what was a very practical decision. With both of us working full time hours outside of the building, it no longer made sense for her to pay rent on an office that was almost never used anymore. In fact, the most regular hours I ever spent in the office were back in 2008 when I worked for Stream full time, and even then, the office wasn't really my workspace.
What makes losing the office so difficult then is the feeling that I've lost something symbolic. As long as the office was there it was clear that Stream still held some priority and that there'd be more work as a result of it. I guess there was always a part of me that believed my role would continue to grow there, and that somehow that would fuel more of the kinds of projects we all really wanted to work on. It's not even clear that there won't still be editing projects coming my way, but Stream may simply be working in a different capacity to facilitate them now. As we'd discussed just a few weeks ago, things are changing, we're changing, and sometimes growth means trying new avenues. I'm just a bit anxious about the unknown.
When it comes down to it, this is the end of a chapter. I've always loved the variety of work that I've been able to do as a result of Stream's position in the community, and whether it was flying over the city to collect b-roll or directing a promo video, a lot of the challenges were noteworthy experiences. I'd hate to think that we've moved on from that completely, because individually, I haven't.
On one hand it's just saying goodbye to an office right now. On the other, it's a pretty clear step into uncharted territory. I can't help but be a bit sad about it. I can't help but feel unresolved about the whole thing. And then again, I realize that a big part of me is clinging to a reality that has existed since 2008. It's easy to be nostalgic for that feeling I had when I was fresh out a film school and started working here in June of that year. We've all grown a lot since then though, and I probably play it up for more than it was sometimes because I was so ready for the change back then and I'm feeling more uncertain about what I want next these days.
I'll miss this place and the creative discussions we had here. I'll miss coming here late at night to drop something off and finding a random note. I'll miss popping in to chat with Barb on my way home or between projects. And really, as a nod to how much I've enjoyed the work, I'll just miss this place being at the centre of it.