Visiting with Wendy and Darwin in Regina last month, I decided it would be fun to bring Darwin a little present - his first set of wheels. This miniature Kawasaki ATV looked like it would be entertaining, and getting to see Darwin figure it out was just that. He'd push the buttons to rev the engine. He'd awkwardly climb on it, not quite sure of how to get his leg over to the other side. He'd go backwards a lot, and he'd try and walk with it stuck under him. This was nothing compared to him trying to get off of it, which consisted of him putting his arms up and whimpering for help or trying to climb off and getting his butt hung up on the handlebar. What a kid. In the end it was totally worth it, and I look forward to playing with him again come August. In shooting this latest home video, I was amazed at how much bigger he was since the video I shot last summer. Considering my distance, I'd say we're starting to get a nice collection of memories.
When I visited Wendy and Darwin in Regina a few weeks ago, I had wanted to go to the park to play with Darwin. I came prepared with tubes of bubbles, but as luck would have it, it rained the entire weekend. Instead, we salvaged the plans by playing on the balcony, and Darwin didn't seem to mind. As I'd hoped, the bubbles went over well with Darwin. He laughed and yelled as they floated away, catching a few in the process. This fascination would occasionally lead him to the potted plants, which he happily dived into as soon as the bubbles popped. By the end of it all I'd captured some fun pictures, and we were all a bit wet, soapy, and covered in dirt - no one more so than Darwin.
Hijinks, laughs, hangouts, bubbles, midnight cigars, video games, baby talk, and even a little bit of vomit - these were the highlights from my visit to Regina last weekend. It's been a year since my last visit, and with my buddy Tyler no longer living there, this was the first time I crashed at my friend Wendy's place. We had a blast! Mike came down from Saskatoon to hangout, I got tons of one on one time with Darwin, and Wendy and I got a chance to catch up. The Regina phone book that I sold the cover image for even showed up on the doorstep at the same time as I did. It was especially fun seeing how much Darwin had grown since the last time I saw him. I shot some video that I'll share soon. I bought him a mini Kawasaki ATV that he seemed to really enjoy. He'd sit on it and push the sound effect button to rev the engine, and even took to dancing to the tune that it played. It was especially funny to see him learn how to use it. At first he would only go backwards, and he never quite learned how to get off of it without getting the handlebar in his butt. In short, he was entertaining.
It's fun bonding with Darwin now that he's so energetic and full of personality. He was quick to warm up to me and it wasn't long before he was treating me like a jungle gym, and feeding me his food that he'd dropped on the floor. Oh, kids - maybe that has something do with why I've been under the weather most of the week, haha.
And if you were wondering about the 'little bit of vomit' mentioned above, that was Darwin too. After a night of drinks and casual discussions, Darwin woke up just as we were all ready to fall asleep and he was sick most of the morning. Poor guy. I experienced the best and worst of baby time that weekend. All and all, the visit was a nice ice breaker for the changing dynamic of our shrinking Regina group. Although, with a road trip planned with Mike and a concert with Wendy this summer I'd say we're all making the most of it.
This afternoon I had a great time chatting with Wendy and joking around with Darwin. He's more exciting every time I see him, and in addition to a few rounds of peek-a-boo, he's become pretty good at playing it by himself by covering his own eyes with his arm over and over and over again, haha. He's walking now, and has really started to master Dave's signature head-back-wide-eyed stare. Nothing like a little dose of long distance hanging out to put me in a good mood.
Last Sunday I had a great conversation with my friend Wendy over skype. Darwin had already gone to bed and so it was looking like I wouldn't get to see him, but then only a few minutes into our discussion Wendy heard him crying and decided to bring him out for a bit. It's always a lot of fun seeing Darwin's little face. Mostly I just wanted to share a few of the screencaps I took while Darwin was chilling out with us online. As Wendy went to grab him a bottle, he gave me a few waves as he mimicked me before turning his attention back to where his Mom had gone. He's a little sound effects machine these days, and I can't wait to hear him talking soon. I just wish I were closer so that I could wrestle him and play with his toys like we did last time. For now, the skype calls go a long way.
A year isn't a long time, it's simply enough time for everything to change. I've written at length about losing my friend Dave, about the ongoing process of creating a short film about one of my favorite memories with him, and about the lessons I've learned in moving forward. The truth is that it's still difficult sometimes, not just because Dave is gone, but because death changes those who are left to deal with it. It sent a ripple through our small group that pushed us in different directions, revealed some unfortunate truths, but ultimately made us all a bit stronger.
Dave passed away a year ago today. The first year is really an awakening to all of the things missed. You can't help but make comparisons and think about where you were, the things you had talked about, or the random moments that suddenly seem profound when tracing a year of firsts without that person present. My disconnect from living outside of Regina has only made the experience feel more foreign at times. I don't immediately think about Dave not being there, I see something or hear something that reminds me of how long it's been and I can easily kid myself into thinking that it's just because I'm overdue for a road trip back to Saskatchewan. Everything didn't suddenly become worse, it just became different. I sometimes wonder if things wouldn't have continued to change as rapidly if Dave were still around anyway. The fading influences of university life, friends moving, discovering new values, and finding it harder to connect are parts of growing older. Dave's death just became an obvious bookend and catalyst for us to all look at things in a new light. I think it would've been weirder if we didn't all become a bit skewed because of it. I've gained perspective over the last year. I've enjoyed getting to know Wendy and Darwin better. Darwin especially has reinvented some of my memories, simply because it's easy to see pieces of Dave's persona in him as he grows. I've naturally found a lot to be thankful and appreciative for in coming to terms with losing such a close friend. And still, I think what I'm longing for most is a sense of purpose from it all. I'd love my friends to all be optimistic and forward thinking, and to have that be something new we could all rally around. I want our past to still hold meaning as we continue building our lives, especially with the great distances between us. And most, I'd love to know that Dave's death wasn't the beginning of the end for our group, but a reason for us to reinvent it. I'd like to think that's what's happening, but I say it knowing how much effort needs to be made to sustain it. Looking at this picture of our film school crew from 2009, myself on the left and Dave on the far right, it hit me how few group meet ups like this we actually pulled off. It really is unfortunate that we live so far apart these days, as it's easy to miss stuff like this as soon as you realize what it would take to make it happen again.
Things took a new course a year ago. I'm okay with that now. It's made me see the value of my life in ways that I hadn't been forced to consider before. I just want those of you who I knew when I was younger, those who I knew as a student, those who I grew up with, those who I'm still close to - I want you all to know how much I appreciate your friendship. I want you to know that whether we're as close as we used to be or not, I'd still be there for you if you ever needed me. The reality is that it's an undervalued bond, and losing that connection is akin to losing a piece of what made me who I am today. I can see that now. I stand by all of the promises I've made to you in your passing Dave, and hope that you'd agree that I've had your interests at heart when it mattered most. My focus is on the next chapter now. I know there's still lots for me to discover and part of that comes from saying goodbye. I'm ready for the new adventures ahead.
"So come over, just be patient, and don't worry" -Death and All His Friends, Coldplay
I have to admit that I love taking unsuspecting pictures of people while chatting with them on skype. I realized just how apparent my fascination was when I looked back at my library of screenshots after catching up with Wendy on Thursday night. The last few days have been kind of a blur and having not talked with Wendy on a one on one basis in a while, it seemed like the timing was right. The death of my grandma early in the week couldn't have come at a stranger time if I'm honest. It was only a few weeks from now just last year that my friend Dave passed away, and with the preparation I've been doing with my Searching Salvation project, having another funeral for someone I was close to just seemed to further engage some emotions that were already resurfacing. It was nice to connect with Wendy, not just because of Dave, but because at this point it feels important to me to me to help move the conversation forward without constantly dwelling on the past. Wendy and I discussed everything from Darwin's 1st birthday to personal projects, relationships, and what the future of the old Regina-crew might look like. The weird thing that hit me during our conversation was that Wendy was actually filling a role that Dave used to play for me. It was nice to be able to bounce ideas and thoughts around with someone who could relate to a lot of my feelings at the moment. I think we're well on our way to a new beginning.
One of the big highlights from last weekend was visiting with Wendy and Darwin, and getting to see how much Darwin had grown since Christmas break. He was so energetic, vocal, and playful this time around. Once again he was fascinated by my technology. He loved playing with my cameras and iPod, and as soon as I wasn't looking they always ended up in his mouth. Darwin's fascination made it easy to capture some great candid moments and reactions. I shot some video this time, which turned out really well too. I had fun setting up blocks for him around the living room and he'd crawl over to knock them down again and again. He's going to be walking and talking in no time and it's getting easier to see Dave in him. Darwin is a pretty cute little guy and I'm thankful for the rare opportunities that I've had to spend time with him.
While a backyard bonfire was a fun idea for my first night in Regina over the Canada Day weekend, it was actually because of Dave that my friend Tyler and I wanted to do it. It was a year ago that we all sat around the fire together, sharing stories, listening to music, and talking about the future. Wendy was just over a month away from having Darwin. It was really our last major hangout before Dave passed away in September, and it was the footage that I shot last Canada Day that became the final shots I had of Dave and that I used in the memorial video I edited for him. If that wasn't enough, our musings around the fire also became the inspiration for my reel last summer. With these memories fresh in our minds I also wanted to have another bonfire to shoot some scenes for my Searching Salvation project. The logs and ashes left in the fire pit were still those from last Canada Day and the stick that I wrote everyone's names with was still right there resting on the ledge. Regina will always remind me of university and the close friends I made there, and this just seemed like another poignant way of saying goodbye. After Tyler moves away later this year I think we'll both continue to look back at this weekend as one of our most ambitious hangouts, and maybe even one of the most symbolic.
He'd push the buttons to rev the engine. He'd awkwardly climb on it, not quite sure of how to get his leg over to the other side. He'd go backwards a lot, and he'd try and walk with it stuck under him. This was nothing compared to him trying to get off of it, which consisted of him putting his arms up and whimpering for help or trying to climb off and getting his butt hung up on the handlebar. What a kid.
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