Searching Salvation Update #2

Another year has come and gone, and admittedly I'm disappointed that on the two year anniversary of my friend Dave's death, I've yet to complete the project I began just weeks after his passing. Searching Salvation has sadly ended up on the back burner time and time again as more projects have emerged. The reasoning for this is simple - I'm not ready to be done with it yet. 

I've said numerous times that I feel like this project will be my last words about my friend - at least in this form of a tribute anyway. That's only made finalizing the work harder. The video has changed directions and been restarted several times already, and because I'm really doing it for myself, I'm more concerned about it feeling right than it being done quickly. 

I'm done making promises about a completion date, but know that the project is still in the works and very much on my mind. I also still feel very much the same way I did last year at this time when I wrote the post, Death and All His Friends. 

Our lives and our group have changed dramatically since we lost Dave, but some of our bonds have grown stronger and more meaningful over the last couple of years too. Most important to me now is not losing track of the sentiments that I expressed when this happened, and also using this time to gain some perspective about what it's really meant to lose a close friend - and in other ways, how my view of death has matured.

The challenges in life keep us strong. This one has been a real test.

Searching Salvation Update #1

It's been months since I last looked at anything to do with Searching Salvation. The project ended up on the back burner in 2012 as Around the Hat continued to expand and the response grew. As I mentioned in my first post of 2013 though, one of my goals for this year is to finally see this memorial / personal documentary / video poem about the death of my friend Dave and our visit to Salvation Mountain completed.

Looking back at images from our visit to the California desert in 2009 and our following road trip in 2010, the nostalgia trip has been really powerful. Especially after my break from the project, I feel like I'm looking at everything with a renewed sense of euphoria that echoes what the original experience was like. I've almost entirely re-edited my library of Salvation Mountain images for the project as a result. I really just wanted to share that I'm making progress once again and the importance of this project hasn't been lost on me. I'm building on what I already had, and approaching portions of the edit fresh and with greater ambition. 

There's still a lot to do, and I feel a weight from the expectations I've put on myself from what I want to see the finished project become. No matter what though, the goal is now wrapping up this project and finally debuting it by late August / early September 2013 - the 2 year anniversary of Dave's death and coincidentally, the 4 year anniversary of our original road trip. Stay tuned for more as Searching Salvation continues to get back up to speed this spring.

Ambitions for a New Year 2013

Ringing in another year is an arbitrary celebration, but it does seem to renew ones view of what's possible in the coming months.  I don't really have anything pressing in mind for 2013, but I did want to put down in writing a few of the things that I'd like to have accomplished 365 days from now.  

1.  I want to complete Searching Salvation.  The project surrounding the death of my friend Dave and our trip to Salvation Mountain was something that I had slated to be done much earlier in 2012.  Other projects took precedence, and suddenly the timing just didn't seem right.  My distance from the project has been valuable I think, and coming back to finish this this year seems very likely.

2.  I want to complete (or at least begin to visualize the end goal of) Around the Hat.  I think there's a lot of potential in store for what could happen this year with what I've already done, however, I'd like to define more of what the project is by the end of 2013.  I already have numerous new shoots in mind, but I think this year will also be about exploring the ideas of a potential photo book, an exhibit, and/or a government grant to make it happen.  A deadline will make the work more focused, and it gives the photo series a more definite theme regarding Medicine Hat's boom years a century ago in the early 1910s. 

3.  I want to travel somewhere.  Unlike years previous, I have no plans to go anywhere in 2013.  It's still early I realize, but it's something I'd like to remedy asap.  Whether it's a trip out east, a reunion somewhere with friends, or a vacation, I want to do some exploring.

Those are really the main things for the time being.  What generally happens is that old projects simply spawn new ones, and it's likely that I'll be writing about how things have snowballed at some point in the coming months.  I feel like all of these things are challenges though, and the fact that none of them have determined endings gives me something to work for.

At the very least, it feels like a good start.

Image from Ideas of Jenny Lee.

Late November State of Mind

This year is rolling out in a matter of weeks and it's once again become clear (like it does every year at this time) that I have a lot on my plate that I want to finish.  It's actually kind of amazing that the first few months of 2012 seemed to drag on for me and then suddenly things snowballed the further in I got.  With so much on the go, I thought it would be nice to share some updates. 

At the moment I'm shooting lots of photography for Weddingstar, working on a new edit for Stream, continuing to develop my Around the Hat photo series, and working on the overdue release of Searching Salvation.  After a handful of trips to Local in the last few weeks I feel like I've had a lot of discussions about all of these things, but then realized that I hadn't really written a what-I've-been-up-to post in a while.  Here's the rundown:

Weddingstar has been doing a lot of revamping this year as the company has continued to expand.  As the in house photographer for the website, this has meant a lot of last minute shoots for the magazine, photographing extra images for new products, updating old images, and a few how-to videos thrown in for good measure.  It's been busy, and admittedly more repetitive than in years past.  

Stream Media has really slowed down in this second half of the year as it was expected to, however another edit has popped up this month.  It's nothing gripping, but I still like having video projects on the side.

Speaking of on the side projects, Around the Hat has been a really exciting undertaking for me this year.  The response has been great so far and I am still searching out locations and interiors from around the city that I'd like to feature.  There have been a lot of seeds planted with the potential for big things in the new year, but one of the best things to come from the series so far is the relationship I've established with Medalta. They've been great at getting me access to closed sites throughout the local clay district and have helped promote my sets as I've shared them.  If this is a sign of things to come then I think I'm on the right track.  I'm seriously exploring opportunities with government grants as a way of exhibiting and sharing the complete series.

And then there's Searching Salvation, the short about the death of my friend Dave and our trip to Salvation Mountain in California.  I've been dragging my feet on this one for the last year because I've been struggling to sum it up and have it feel exactly the way I want it to.  I haven't abandoned the project though, it's just been a long editing and fine tuning process.  When it's ready I don't want to have any regrets about it, and because I see so much potential in what it can be I don't want to feel arbitrarily pressured.  All I can say is that it's coming along and I'm getting closer.   

Throw in Christmas prep, and it's going to be a busy next few weeks.  I think a few more pints are going to be in order to help get me through it.

Death and All His Friends

A year isn't a long time, it's simply enough time for everything to change.  I've written at length about losing my friend Dave, about the ongoing process of creating a short film about one of my favorite memories with him, and about the lessons I've learned in moving forward.  The truth is that it's still difficult sometimes, not just because Dave is gone, but because death changes those who are left to deal with it.  It sent a ripple through our small group that pushed us in different directions, revealed some unfortunate truths, but ultimately made us all a bit stronger.

Dave passed away a year ago today.  The first year is really an awakening to all of the things missed.  You can't help but make comparisons and think about where you were, the things you had talked about, or the random moments that suddenly seem profound when tracing a year of firsts without that person present.  My disconnect from living outside of Regina has only made the experience feel more foreign at times.  I don't immediately think about Dave not being there, I see something or hear something that reminds me of how long it's been and I can easily kid myself into thinking that it's just because I'm overdue for a road trip back to Saskatchewan.

Everything didn't suddenly become worse, it just became different.  I sometimes wonder if things wouldn't have continued to change as rapidly if Dave were still around anyway. The fading influences of university life, friends moving, discovering new values, and finding it harder to connect are parts of growing older.  Dave's death just became an obvious bookend and catalyst for us to all look at things in a new light.  I think it would've been weirder if we didn't all become a bit skewed because of it.

I've gained perspective over the last year.  I've enjoyed getting to know Wendy and Darwin better.  Darwin especially has reinvented some of my memories, simply because it's easy to see pieces of Dave's persona in him as he grows.  I've naturally found a lot to be thankful and appreciative for in coming to terms with losing such a close friend. And still, I think what I'm longing for most is a sense of purpose from it all.

I'd love my friends to all be optimistic and forward thinking, and to have that be something new we could all rally around.  I want our past to still hold meaning as we continue building our lives, especially with the great distances between us.  And most, I'd love to know that Dave's death wasn't the beginning of the end for our group, but a reason for us to reinvent it.  I'd like to think that's what's happening, but I say it knowing how much effort needs to be made to sustain it.


Looking at this picture of our film school crew from 2009, myself on the left and Dave on the far right, it hit me how few group meet ups like this we actually pulled off.  It really is unfortunate that we live so far apart these days, as it's easy to miss stuff like this as soon as you realize what it would take to make it happen again.



Things took a new course a year ago.  I'm okay with that now.  It's made me see the value of my life in ways that I hadn't been forced to consider before.  I just want those of you who I knew when I was younger, those who I knew as a student, those who I grew up with, those who I'm still close to - I want you all to know how much I appreciate your friendship.  I want you to know that whether we're as close as we used to be or not, I'd still be there for you if you ever needed me.  The reality is that it's an undervalued bond, and losing that connection is akin to losing a piece of what made me who I am today.  I can see that now.  

I stand by all of the promises I've made to you in your passing Dave, and hope that you'd agree that I've had your interests at heart when it mattered most.  My focus is on the next chapter now.  I know there's still lots for me to discover and part of that comes from saying goodbye. I'm ready for the new adventures ahead.   

"So come over, just be patient, and don't worry"
-Death and All His Friends, Coldplay

A Bonfire For Dave

While a backyard bonfire was a fun idea for my first night in Regina over the Canada Day weekend, it was actually because of Dave that my friend Tyler and I wanted to do it.  It was a year ago that we all sat around the fire together, sharing stories, listening to music, and talking about the future.  Wendy was just over a month away from having Darwin.  It was really our last major hangout before Dave passed away in September, and it was the footage that I shot last Canada Day that became the final shots I had of Dave and that I used in the memorial video I edited for him.  If that wasn't enough, our musings around the fire also became the inspiration for my reel last summer.

With these memories fresh in our minds I also wanted to have another bonfire to shoot some scenes for my Searching Salvation project.  The logs and ashes left in the fire pit were still those from last Canada Day and the stick that I wrote everyone's names with was still right there resting on the ledge.  Regina will always remind me of university and the close friends I made there, and this just seemed like another poignant way of saying goodbye.  After Tyler moves away later this year I think we'll both continue to look back at this weekend as one of our most ambitious hangouts, and maybe even one of the most symbolic.        

As the Search Continues

A few nights ago, digging through a photo box of road trip memorabilia, I began rewriting portions of my rough outline for Searching Salvation.  I don't think I've ever dwelled on a project this long before.  My personal documentary/video poem about the death of my friend Dave, and our memorable visit to Salvation Mountain needs to be just right.  I feel like it's my final word on Dave's death, and I think I'm striving for it to be a bookend of sorts.  

Since editing a memorial video for Dave just days after his death, I feel like Searching Salvation is more about the context of our friendship, the meaning behind it, and less about the shock or frustration that I felt after it happened.  It's a challenge striking the right balance, and I want to be truthful in why our experience at Salvation Mountain was meaningful to begin with, and not just aggrandize it because Dave is gone.  At this point in my life I feel like just thinking about this as much as I have has really helped me grow and appreciate specific moments.   

My goal now is to have the project complete by September 10, the anniversary of Dave's death.  I think the timeline is realistic, and as the memories are going to be coming back for a lot of us around that date, I think it'll be a meaningful tribute focused on moving forward.  If anything, this entire project has given me an outlet to do just that.

Searching Salvation Teaser

I announced earlier last month that I had begun work on a Salvation Mountain project in memory of my friend Dave and the road trips that we took together in 2009 and 2010. I'm hoping to have the project complete in 2012, at which time I'll be considering various ways to promote and share this new short film.

I've titled the short, Searching Salvation in reference to our time exploring Salvation Mountain and the more enigmatic themes of life, death, and deliverance from loss.  I'm excited by the potential of this project to reach others, to share my stories, and to memorialize Dave in a way that feels so unique to the friend that I knew.

While the message sounds broad, the actual project isn't about a religious revelation. It's about Dave and the power of memories, the value in understanding your own mortality, and finding joy in sadness.  Searching Salvation will be one of the most personal projects I'll have ever done once it's completed.  I can't wait to share more, but for now I'm happy to give everyone a sneak peek of the project with this new teaser.

Salvation Mountain Project

I've had it in my mind for some time to create something special with all of the footage I shot on the road in 2009.  Of that footage, my favorite scenes include those that I shot at Salvation Mountain near Niland, California.  My friend Dave and I had spent the day exploring the areas around the Salton Sea and capped it all off with a trip out to Leonard Knight's epic art project in the middle of nowhere.

Last month Dave passed away and this ultimately brought all of the memories from our road trips flooding back.  I started reviewing the footage I shot and began to find some inspiration.  There's a story in that footage and a short film there that I now feel compelled to create.  Part documentary, part poetic experiment, I'm already visualizing what a rewarding and challenging edit this will be for me.  It's a way for me to honor my memories with Dave, to emphasize what our experience at Salvation Mountain was like, to reflect on my views of life and death, and to really address my own emotions and frustrations with losing such a close friend.

My goal is to keep this project under five minutes in length, which will really help me to condense and further define my thoughts about this entire experience.  While I've just begun outlining exactly what I plan on doing, I'm feeling ambitious and charged to really create something special and personal that I could see myself submitting to short film festivals.  This already feels different from any of the other videos I've ever created or worked on, but I think it also plays on my strengths as an editor and the archival video work that I've done in the past.

I look forward to sharing more about this project in the coming weeks.

Salvation Mountain near Niland, California.