With the sun shining, the temperature rising, and a social atmosphere calling people outdoors, you'd think I'd be in better spirits these days. The truth is I'm already exhausted.
The spring brings college edits and promo videos in a wave. Photo shoots for the magazine translate in a buzz of activity around the office, and before you know it there are new products and promos on my desk and new videos to shoot. And then there's my personal life - or the increasing lack of one. This is the balance I have between my web photography/editing day job and my on the side contract editing.
I honestly love the work I do, but I'm often left questioning if I'm really happy about my routine or if I'm just too busy or distracted by the perks to explore something that I haven't found yet. It's like I'm swept up by the fact that in film school I would've killed for my current life and now I'm realizing that I didn't put much thought into what I'd do after I got it.
It's been exactly three years since university now and in that time my life has transformed in almost unbelievable ways. Similarly I'm witnessing my friends changing their careers, getting married, having kids, and settling down. The concept of 'Editing Luke' was always grounded in my issues as a film student in addition to the literal editing I was doing. Now it seems that concept has broadened. I honestly feel challenged about how to be an adult - at least the kinds of adults I see many of my friends becoming. And then I think that was probably part of the plan somehow.
Editing is emotional, intensive, and meticulous. I'm realizing that a lot of the choices we make aren't though, and maybe I'm trying to contextualize something that's just meant to happen naturally. Why stress about what I can't control? But, in my projects I'm always focused on featuring the best shot, the most profound sound-up, or the crux of the action. In my life I'm trying to create it.
2 comments :
It is tough. Even for someone like me who should theoretically have time to do more I still find it tough to accomplish the things I want. It is true that time only moves faster as you grow older, and perhaps you may never settle down at all.
When it comes to what you're saying, I think the thing you are missing is the chase of the life you could have, because now you already have it and are left wondering 'now what?' While you'll undoubtedly move forward and work will present new challenges, I know the feeling of never being happy with what you have in ife. Its called motivation and while 'never settling down' can be stressful, I would hate to think of my life without it - and I imagine you feel the same. Nothing is like earning those chances to relax and having drive to make sure no moment is wasted. I'm not sure who said it, but "you can sleep when you're dead" has never rung truer than for those of us that are dreamers.
Well said, Tyler. I agree. Sometimes I think we all just need to make more of an effort to step back and see what we really have. Ultimately, it can't hurt to crave new ways of making yourself happy.
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